The permanent decision.

Anybody who knows me well, knows that I'm an over thinker.

Almost every decision I make is a large process, taking at least a couple days to consider, usually with me making my mind, and then changing it 20 times before actually making the final decision. Or not making the decision ever. Example being my lack of career plans :).

Take my last big purchase.

The iPhone.

  I can't even tell you how many times I went back and forth on this one.
My blackberry started acting up months ago, and it was extremely frustrating. It would freeze up at least a couple times a day, randomly turn off (usually while I was on the phone), and sometimes not send or receive texts. But even though I knew what phone I wanted to get next, since it was so much money, I couldn't make myself take that large step. So, I would just smash my head into walls whenever my phone acted up instead.

Then I created a plan in which I would set aside a small amount of money from every paycheck, towards the new phone, so when I finally I had enough, I would feel as if I had earned it.
And this took a very long time.
The day finally came when I had enough, and I still couldn't do it.
It took me almost another month to work up the courage to spend the fortune that is required for the new iPhone.

So.
I come to my next large decision.

But this one came with another added pressure.

Permanence.

It's a whole 'nother stressfilled time when you are considering something that you will never be able to take back.

Like a tattoo.
So, like my phone, this choice was a long time coming. Which years of thinking it over. And I'm not really exaggerating when I say years.
After ages of thinking this through, in the fall I told myself it was time, and that I would do this for my birthday. Haha. That was wishful thinking.
4 months later, I was exasperated with my indecisiveness, and almost on a whim, I went into the tattoo parlour to see when I could book an appointment. There had been a cancellation, and I could come in the next morning. ACK! Instant panic attack. I thought I would have to wait weeks, and it would give me time to get used to this new development  But no, I was plunging head over heels into it. If you can say that after years of processing.
But maybe it was better this way. Like ripping off the bandaid.
And it turned out okay.
No time to stress, no time to change my mind. Just enough time to spend a couple hours pouring through websites looking for the perfect font.
Going into this, I wasn't sure what my pain tolerance would be.
I know generally, I'm not that great.
And it hurt.
I picked a very sensitive part of the body, and most of it was right on top of bone, which makes it hurt that much more. I was very unprepared, but I didn't make a fool of myself by crying. Very proud to say that not a tear was shed. I had to keep up a nonchalant "this is totally fine" attitude to prove to the tattoo artist that I was cool enough for this :).

Here it is.

To explain this tattoo, would be like giving up a part of my soul that I'm not so sure I'm willing to share quite yet. It obviously has meaning. But I'm sure I would do a very bad job of explaining that meaning.
Instead, I will leave you with the song that it came from, and maybe you can come up with an idea of what it means to me.