Ain't no mountain high enough..

I am in a thoughtful mood right now.
Also a very tired mood, but since this is probably my last chance to blog for about a week I am going to quickly type some stuff out.

Hi, my name is Hannah and I want to learn to be sincere.

sin·cere

[sin-seer]

–adjective, -cer·er, -cer·est.

1.

free of deceit, hypocrisy, or falseness; earnest: a sincere apology.

2.

genuine; real: a sincere effort to improve; a sincere friend.

3.

pure; unmixed; unadulterated.

4.

Obsolete . sound; unimpaired.

It's very hard for me to open up to people. Extremely hard.
And that makes it very hard for people to get to know me, (and with the risk of sounding cliche) the real me.

But I'm not very good at understanding myself and so most of the time it's not really my fault.

I'm going to make it my goal over the next few months to begin to get to know myself, and therefor make it easier for other people to be my friend.

In the process weeding out the less desirable qualities I have let myself develop, such as being extremely judgmental and sarcastic.

I'll check back in a while but in the mean time, I've had way too much serious talk for one night.


T.I.L.T

1.Listening to music while writing messages to friends all while sitting at a corner table in Starbucks.
2.Roomie coming home.
3. Having a major hug fest just because Jo-Yo is leaving to go work in the morning, and we were all going to miss her.
4.Texting somebody in the same room as you but pretending nothing is going on.
5.NEWMUSIC I discovered this amazing CD today. It made my heart happy.
6.Being comfortable enough with myself that I go for days without wearing make up.
7.Clean water. I really miss it. The water here tortures my hair real bad.
8.Sleeping in. Anybody dare try and text me at 8 again. I will hunt you down and hurt you. You know who you are.
9.Challenge.


Cuts on the hand are the worst. Since you use your hands so much it takes double time to heal.

We have a group coming in tomorrow, there is 162 of them. This is very major since up until now the biggest group we have had(at least while I was here) was around 70.
So they are here for the weekend and then right after that on Monday we head down to Abbotsford for a Camp Conference thing.

I am seriously considering buying another camera. Heh. I love my new dslr but the problem is it's huge. I am used to having one that I can slip into my back pocket and pull out in a moments time to snap a picture. So, I'll think on it some more.
I am still trying to get an understanding of how that thing works.
I haven't totally slacked off in the learning department, I did read the manual which explained some things but I still have to go through the huge photography book Matthew lent me.

For the most part I am not a neat freak. Well. I don't like to think I am.
But sometimes I just get fed up with anything that is messy.
Which is why I clean my brothers house so much.
Since I don't have a brothers house to clean here, it seems that I have just shifted over to the next available outlet: the guys house.
I was hanging out on the guys side the other day and I just couldn't stand to be surrounded by mess any longer so I cleaned. And then I went back to my house and cleaned. And then I went to my room and cleaned. I guess it helps me? Maybe physically cleaning helps me mentally clean.
I don't know. Sometimes I like to pretend I can figure out these psychology things.

I do need a day to recharge though.
Today WAS supposed to be that.
But Blondie convinced me to come to town, and don't get me wrong I had tons of fun. But this entire time I have been getting more and more worn down. I have had some mini crashes along the way but I'm sure if I don't take some time to chill there will be a major explosion coming up.
I think one of the problems might be that I don't even know how to relax. It's never been a huge issue because I have never been in this situation before. But I am always surrounded by people here and always doing things. Hanging out with people takes a lot out of me. And when I am in Kamloops all I have to do is go home and I get away from it for as long as I need. Here even when I come home there is people and so I never get that away time that I need. I am learning to live with it, and I think I am doing pretty well so far.
I think tomorrow since I will probably wake up pretty early I will take my Bible and some music and go out and practice resting.